May 14, 2012

Things I'm afraid to tell you!

Not very shiny. Some plain old truth. Read on if you dare.

I heard about this challenge from ShopSweetThings via Creature Comforts. I haven't shared a lot of personal data on this site. But one thing that has always bothered me is "the seemingly perfect life" of a blogger and how readers and other bloggers struggle with jealousy and feelings of inadequacy all the time. I know this because I have faced this too. So, though I'm not dying with fear when I write this, here is a list of challenges that I try to overcome on a daily basis. Its only here for the purpose of liberating you and me from our illusions of perfection.

Some battles I'm still working on -
- I look ridiculous in photos. My face just will not hold an expression. Thats why you see neck-down photos of me. I'm too self-conscious to post my face. (and also I'm afraid of cyber stalkers).
- I don't really get the "blogging sisterhood". I have a few bloggers that I like and respect but we are not soul-sisters and they don't nourish me creatively. In fact, a few bloggers I have met online and offline have been downright snobby and rude. I'm still working on understanding the truth of this matter because most of the times, I worry that its me and not them.
- I resent so many bloggers. Yes, it is a strong word but I truly do hate bloggers who promote brands for money, who paint false pictures of their lives, who say " I'm on a tight budget" and then go around and buy a $900 shoe. Believe me when I say, hate is not good for you. Trying to be less rigid with standards for others.
- Its a huge challenge to post 3 times a week on interesting and fun shopping ideas and links when you have the most important exam of your life coming up in 1 month (dental boards).
- I feel sad that my readers are more of visitors than followers. It also makes me sad that not many comment because I truly would enjoy conversation with you. Again, trying to get over this. Not successful so far.
- I hate the association of blogger = housewife. I hate it so much that I want to stop blogging. I have to remind myself that its ignorance on their part. That many cannot process the fact that a woman can be many things at a time. I realise this but not before the surge of anger has given me a headache.

Some battles I have conquered -

- I'm a size 8. Pear shaped. Yes, I'm 25 in the midst of a lot of really fit bloggers. But it really doesn't bother me. Many people have been cruel and mean about it. Laughed at me because I used to be a size 4 till 2 years back. I put on weight because I got time to eat which was a luxury in the grueling 5 years of dental school. But my health and body and fitness is nobody's business but mine.

I refuse to get sucked into the mad race for followers.  It took a lot of effort to realise this - blogging is a hobby and creative outlet for me. I don't need to spend the time and effort the full-time bloggers are putting into their blogs nor do I need their results.

My monthly budget for shopping is a $100. Considering I drool over Net-A-Porter and Neiman Marcus, its seems like nothing but I like to think saving the money for my education is a lot more value to my life than that really amazing but overpriced Victoria Beckham.

I'm a beginner at cooking. I'm a noobie in DIY and crafts. If I'm drawing a straight line, it would probably have a slant to it in at least 3 different places. But I love sharing my first messy steps with you.  We can't all be DIY experts. Are your first steps messy too? Be glad, you have company.

I blog about fashion and these amazing shopping inspirations and trends. I don't follow many of them. I don't have the money for it and  I don't like to wear a coloured lace sheath to buy onions from the shop around the corner.

I am amazed at how busy BFs, husbands constantly take pics of their wives/GFs to support their blog. Sometimes I feel the blogger is lying. "We took these pics on a sunny wednesday afternoon" and I think, doesn't he have a job to go to? I mean once in a while is ok but every week? Consequently, I feel I'm a freaking paranoid judgmental psycho. Actually I'm still working on this one. Goes to the other category.

I like to comment on other blogs. Sometimes I stumble on a newbie blog that I like and I comment. And mine is probably the only one. And I get no acknowledgement. No thank you. I really dislike these bloggers who feel so entitled that they don't have the decency. I mean, when you have a hundred comments on your blog, its hard to reply. But on your first one? Lame and rude. Again, I thought this was my fault. But nope, its plain old bad manners.

The biggest battle of all - I love my imperfect blog. I'm a perfectionist (tries to be perfect and never is and hence feels like a loser most of the time). After I spent an entire day selecting the right shade of red for the blog titles, I decided to actively keep my blog imperfect. I don't mind the bad spelling, the not- masterpieces photos,  the slightly mis-aligned sidebar.  Its been a huge lesson for me - I can live with mistakes and you know what, I actually love them for setting me free.

*update* Since a few people have PMed me asking whats wrong, l want to make it clear, the purpose of this post - I'm not depressed or upset or complaining. I'm sharing my faults and challenges and struggles with respect to blogging. If you are going through the same thing, cheer up! You are not alone. This post is to empower you to embrace your faults too and work positively towards changing them. Its also to destroy any illusion you might have, that I'm a perfect person with a perfect life, great shopping budget, an awesome figure and a rocking career. I have none of it and I'm happy and content to say I'm working towards them.

The reason I'm posting this - when I spent months obsessing over my readership and driving myself insane over how perfect and awesome other blogs were, I wish someone has posted something similar. I just hope this post will calm a few of you down. And make you stop obsessing over your numbers for atleast a week!

1 comment:

  1. Just like you I also have a pear shaped body and I feel very conscious about it. As an alternative to it, I don't post my photos on my blog but have an outfit idea blog. It's good to know that you are not alone in this big world with some wierd and some common fears:)


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